Category Archives: Humor

Captioning The Top Six Best Lines From James Varney’s Editorial On Jindal 1

From The Times-Picayune:

1.

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 ”Foremost – not least in Jindal’s mind, most likely – is a charismatic, articulate spokesman.” James Varney

2.

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FOX-HEADLINE-FAIL

“This process is more difficult for conservatives than liberals because the scribblers who craft “the narrative” are anti-conservative.(The Boston Globe’s online headline on the Jindal speech is an excellent example.).” James Varney

3.

obama-as-hitler birth-certificate1 barack_obama_muslim

“When an election hinges on fewer than a half-million votes in a handful of states, and the opposition has painted you there as a dog-hating, filthy rich, tax-dodging, cancer-stricken-wife killing felon, well, that’s a steep hill to climb.” James Varney

4.

jindalcheck jindalchecksfinal jindaljumbostimuluscheck

“Yet in terms of what is being offered, Jindal already has a much more innovative track record than Obama. It is, and has been for some time, the Democrats who seek the preservation of a creaky system that can be kept on life support only with massive cash infusions.” James Varney

5.

view berm_0708 Bobby Jindal

“Yet in terms of what is being offered, Jindal already has a much more innovative track record than Obama.” James Varney

6.

(Federal projections)

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“All of which underscores the great irony of the 2012 election: Should Obama’s vision be implemented, it will make real Romney’s most infamous comment about the “47 percent.” For now, that figure – which only includes non-payers of federal income tax – is in flux, and I’ve argued it’s false to say everyone in that club wants to be a member.

“But under Obama’s ‘fundamental transformation of America,’ that figure is sure to rise. With Obama rigidly sticking to bankrupt formulas, more and more people will become “takers.” His philosophy holds that the government is the best – and in an increasingly complex and competitive world, the only – arbiter of “fairness.” Obama would cement a system that runs until the expensive redistribution of everything creates a vast, gray mediocrity for all save the brilliant controllers.” – James Varney

An Extended, In-Depth Conversation With Zack Kopplin (Part One) Reply

For the first time ever, I’m posting an extended podcast interview with Zack Kopplin, my friend and, as I’ve said more than once, my “partner in crime” in exposing the sham of the Louisiana Science Education Act and Governor Bobby Jindal’s grand plans to de-fund public schools in order to prop up an untestable and unaccountable school voucher program.

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I’ll have more analysis later, but for now, sink your teeth (and ears) into Part One. It’s worth it.

Download Part One Here

Louisiana Family Forum’s Patrick Henry Award 1

by • Humor, Local Political News

During the next few days, I will be revisiting the role of the Louisiana Family Forum. But before I get into the nitty-gritty details, I thought I’d have some fun.

Last Thursday, the Louisiana Family Forum hosted its annual Legislative Awards Banquet, where it gave 24 State Senators and 56 State Representatives a bronzed bust of Patrick Henry, a Founding Father, of course, the biological father of eighteen children from three different women (eleven from his second wife, who was half his age when they married), and a slave-owning, outspoken opponent of the United States Constitution. 

Apparently, for the Louisiana Family Forum, no other American better exemplifies freedom, liberty, and old-fashioned family values than Patrick Henry, who, in 1765, famously said, “Give me liberty, or give me death,” immediately after asking his slaves to clean the outhouse. Seriously, though, Henry’s entire quote is (bold mine), “Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, Give me Liberty, or give me Death!”

To be sure, Patrick Henry wasn’t the only Founding Father who owned slaves, and after a friend sent him a book against the slave trade, he wrote back, suggesting that while he believed slavery was evil, abominable, rude, and barbarous, he sure enjoyed its conveniences. At least he was honest.

The Louisiana Family Forum, for years now, has attempted to recast Patrick Henry (in faux-bronze) as a champion of family values. A champion of family values who confined his first wife into a strait jacket and a small room; she had apparently become depressed after giving birth to their sixth child, and after she died, Henry refused to provide her with a Christian burial (believing that she was possessed by the devil) and buried her body in an unmarked grave. A champion of family values who cheated on his second wife with one of his slaves, fathering an African-American son named Melancthon.

Again, yes, George Washington also owned slaves. Thomas Jefferson did too, and, like Patrick Henry, he also fathered a child with one of his slaves. Suffice it to say, you’d be hard-pressed to find anyone who would ever give out a family values award named after any of our Founding Fathers.

But there is a reason the Louisiana Family Forum seeks to redefine Patrick Henry as a paragon of good, old-fashioned family values, even if history suggests otherwise: Patrick Henry isn’t a hero of the radical religious right because he was a champion of traditional Christian families; he is their hero because he was one of America’s earliest, most eloquent, and most famous anti-federalists. He’s their hero because he hated taxes, hated the idea of a federal government, and distrusted the role of the President.

Let’s be clear: He was a slave-owner who compared taxes to slavery. If he’d had his way, there likely would be no United States of America; we’d merely be a collection of states. There’d be no United States Constitution, no federal rule of law.

I have a suggestion for the Louisiana Family Forum: The award looks fancy enough. Who wouldn’t want the bust of an 18th century, wig-wearing white guy on their trophy case? You just need to change the name. After all, it’s disingenuous to suggest Patrick Henry was a family values guy. Instead, the plaque should read, “Destruction of Government Advocate.” And the best thing is: You wouldn’t have to change a single thing about your selection criteria.

Democratic National Convention Exceeding Expectations Reply

by • Disability Rights, Downtown Alexandria, Education, Health Care, Humor, Local Political News, Media Studies, National News, Self-referential drivel, Social Activism, Today's News

For those you have you that weren’t able to truly break through the wall-to-wall pundits and hear the unfiltered truth,  here you go:

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Coco, Still Cuckoo for Coco Puffs, Crows City Council Conspiracy 1

by • Humor

As faithful readers know, I’ve never been a fan of Steve Coco, the former Rapides Parish Police Juror and semi-professional teleprompter reader. A few years ago, Mr. Coco, a Republican, after retiring as an evening news anchor from the local NBC affiliate, launched a website, cenlanews.com, generously and hilariously calling himself “Central Louisiana’s most qualified, experienced news source.” Since its inception, Mr. Coco’s website has been continuously plagued by the facts and has been largely concerned with his own personal vendettas. It’s never been a news site, and even as a blog, it’s not particularly well-written or clever.

Steve Coco Actually Posed For And Then Published This Photo Of Himself. Seriously.

Ordinarily, it would have been easy enough to ignore, except that in Central Louisiana, Steve Coco, by virtue of his on-camera job with KALB-TV, is widely-known as a personality. And, more importantly, until his recent defeat, Steve Coco was an elected member of the Rapides Parish Police Jury, representing part of the City of Alexandria. And now, Steve Coco is running to become Alexandria’s next at-large member of the City Council.

To be sure, I’ve never considered Mr. Coco a credible journalist, but because he was an elected official who published his very own “news” website, I’ve paid attention. (It’s worth noting that Coco’s first campaign appears to have been funded, almost entirely, by his girlfriend at the time and that he won that election by only two votes).

Mr. Coco’s brief stint on the Police Jury was utterly unremarkable. During his four years, he didn’t introduce a single piece of meaningful legislation and apparently spent quite a bit of time with the late Greg Aymond, a controversial and often incendiary blogger and former member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Mr. Coco also spent a lot of time hammering out missives on his website. Among my personal favorites, he reported that the National Association of County Officials had published an (obviously-doctored) photograph of President Obama smoking a cigarette, writing:

Since blatant ignorance reigns unchecked in Cenla, here’s background information on this photo of Barack Obama (The White House Marlboro Man).

Several people continue to claim the picture is a fake. Evidently they believe it’s impossible that there’s any evidence of Obama having a cigarette in his mouth and that he could be smoking in the White House and aboard Air Force One. This picture was published by NACO, the National Association of Counties, founded in 1935. NACO’s membership totals more than 2-thousand counties, representing over 80% of the nation’s population. NACO headquarters is on Capitol Hill, publishing a biweekly newspaper, County News, that focuses on issues and actions in Washington, D.C. and around the Country.

NACO officials meet regularly with the President at the White House. Maybe that’s where they took the picture.

If you still think the picture’s a fake, prove otherwise.

So, here’s what I did: I contacted the President of NACo, and she wrote me back. She’d never even seen the photo Mr. Coco had published and attributed to her organization until I sent it to her. It’s no secret that President Obama, like John Boehner, was a smoker. The story was that an elected official claimed that the National Association of Counties had verified the authenticity of a doctored photograph of the President of the United States and then distributed it to its members; Mr. Coco, then an elected official, was unwittingly calling into question the integrity and the credibility of a venerable public service organization. And he was absolutely wrong. It was amateurish.

Mr. Coco, as a Police Juror, also fought, at least initially, to ensure that federal disaster relief funds distributed to Rapides Parish in the aftermath of Hurricane Gustav would disproportionately benefit the least-affected areas, and as far as I can gather, his position at the time had nothing to do with policy and everything to do with his disdain for Mayor Jacques Roy, who was fighting to ensure an equitable dispersement of funds. Again, Mr. Coco was absolutely wrong, and again, it was amateurish.

And of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t also mention how Steve Coco once publicly called on me to be fired for having the audacity to truthfully report that he, as a public official, had been receiving gratuitous radio time and advertisements. I suggested that he was an “unpaid employee” of the radio station with which he was associated, and Mr. Coco shot back, challenging me to offer proof. It was easy enough: I simply had to direct Mr. Coco to his own campaign finance disclosure forms.

I’ve called him out in the past, and I’m more than happy to continue calling him out: Mr. Coco is not fit to serve on the Alexandria City Council. He is a self-aggrandizing hack, an insult to anyone who believes in journalistic integrity, and a man who has repeatedly and publicly lied about basic facts. And I know I sound harsh, but here’s why: Yesterday, only a few days after he qualified to run for Alexandria City Council, Steve Coco took to his website and suggested that there were widespread rumors that my friend and former boss, Mayor Jacques Roy, is “distracted by some serious personal problems.“

Pardon my French, but Steve Coco: You are full of shit. I’ve always known you’re full of shit, but this really takes the cake: Floating the rumor that Jacques Roy has “serious personal problems” in order to brandish your own candidacy for City Council. It’s shameful, despicable even.

Unlike Steve Coco, I actually know Jacques. He’s family to me. Even though I’ve been in Dallas for over a year, we still talk at least once a week. I went on vacation with him and his family a couple of months ago, something I’ve done every year for the last five years. You, Mr. Coco, don’t know what you’re talking about, and publicly accusing someone of suffering from “serious personal problems” is a mighty strong accusation. It’s high-time that someone finally disputes the bullshit rumors that you and Greg Aymond have attempted to float throughout the last few years and to call you out for what you really are: Just like Mr. Aymond, you are a divisive, mean-spirited liar, a sophomoric and sloppy writer, and an intellectual lightweight.

And in November, we’ll remember, once again, that Steve Coco is also something else: A loser.

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A Quick Note on CenLamar’s Readership and Hits 4

by • Humor, Local Political News, Media Studies, Satire, Self-referential drivel, Social Activism

A couple of days ago, Mitt Romney released his tax returns for the last two years, and Newt Gingrich disclosed his consulting contract with Freddie Mac. So, in the spirit of full disclosure and upon repeated requests by Greg Aymond who recently wrote, “ A couple of local blogs have been trying to get Freddy (that’s me) for years now to tell us how many people read his blog, to no avail,” I’m more than happy to disclose my readership, and fair warning, this may seem more convoluted than Romney’s tax returns.

But let’s get a couple of things out of the way first: Until I changed blog templates a few months ago, my “hit counter” was clearly visible on the front page. Also, given as frequently as Mr. Aymond has chided and insulted the blogger Ed Hooper for referring to himself as “we” on his blog WeSawThat, Mr. Aymond is, actually, the only local blog to have ever requested my hit count. And lastly and perhaps most importantly, CenLamar is actually hosted on two different platforms, WordPress and Blogspot (really, four, as posts occasionally appear on Facebook and on the website HumidBeings.com).

I migrated to WordPress and stopped publishing the Blogspot site on March 21, 2007, though it has remained open and served as an archive of those early years. On December 12, 2006, my site on Blogspot received its 100,000th unique visitor, which I marked in this post. A little more than three months later, immediately before I migrated to the WordPress platform, CenLamar has received approximately 120,000 total unique visitors.

When I launched the WordPress version, the hit count went down to zero, yet the Blogspot site, because it remains, still, to this day, continues to receive hits. Unfortunately, though, Blogger’s hit counter software had changed in May of 2009, and it’s impossible to precisely know how many visitors the site had received between March of 2007 and May of 2009, So, in fairness and despite the fact that the site likely continued to more receive hits during the first weeks and months before it was migrated, there’s still an easy enough way to extrapolate a total number. Thankfully, Blogger still provides the most current unique visitor hit counts, beginning in June 2009 and ending in January 2012.

Remember, this is from the CenLamar blogspot archives:

Again, we’re beginning in June of 2009 (which is why May is indicated as a zero-baseline) and tracking until last the end of January 2012. So far, in raw numbers, the archives received 14,167 unique viewers during this time.

Either way, extrapolating (conservatively) from this data, the website CenLamar on blogspot, which serves only as an archive, has a monthly average of 746 viewers throughout the last nineteen months. And just to be extremely conservative, we can take that new baseline number and apply it evenly from April 2006 to May 2009: 37 months times 746 average monthly readers equals an additional 27,602 hits (though I have ample reason to believe the CenLamar blogspot site received much more traffic then).

So let’s recap Blogspot:

100,000 hits on December 12, 2006

+ 20,000 hits from January 2007 to late-March 2007

+ 27,602 hits* approximate from late-March 2007 to May 2009

+ 14,161 hits from June 2009- Present

Equals:

Approximately, 161,763 total unique viewers on CenLamar blogspot archives.

Now, we already know the hits Greg Aymond receives on his website; he calls himself the most popular and most read blogger in Central Louisiana. From his website:

And here are my most current stats via WordPress (retrieved at 7:11AM CST):

Simple math involved here, because while Greg Aymond may claim to Central Louisiana’s “most popular” blogger, the real, aggregate numbers tell a much different story.

In plain terms:

CenLamar Blogspot Archives: 161,763  (which still receives between two dozen and 14o unique visitors per day)

CenLamar WordPress: 500,133 (with an average of nearly 11,000 unique visitors per month and an average of 356 unique visitors per day)
661,896 total unique visitors*+#

*A conservative estimate of Blogspot traffic between April 2007 and May 2009
+ Does not include unique viewers who utilize social media applications like Facebook or other news aggregators.
# When including those other platforms and applications, a more accurate number of total unique readers is around 800,000-852,5000 people. (Admittedly, still less than half of Tony Brown’s entire daily audience, according to Greg Aymond).

All told, thus far, CenLamar has attracted between 106,000 – 295,000 MORE unique visitors than Greg Aymond. (If I could only claim, like Mitt Romney, that I was also taxed at a substantially lower rate, maybe then it’d be real news).

Some may suggest it’s disingenuous to include the hit count numbers from the CenLamar archives. No, it’s not, though, because the archives continue to be operated and moderated, and the site continues to attract dozens of readers every single day; it’s merely a different component of the same website.

There’s one other component to this that merits some attention.

Social media presence is equally important, in many ways.

Greg Aymond has 87 friends on Facebook.

I have 1,043 friends and over 115 people subscribed specifically to the CenLamar Facebook group.

Greg Aymond, under the name centrallapoliti, has 84 followers on Twitter.

I, under the name CenLamar, have 611.

According to Klout, an organization that tracks, ranks, and monitors, those most influential in social and online media, Greg Aymond doesn’t even register.

CenLamar, however, is the highest-ranked social media “specialist” in Central Louisiana:

By comparison, my friend Matt Bailey scores a 56, and my friend Zack Kopplin scores a 52. Not to brag on the three of us, but it’s not exactly easy to get a score over 50.

Honestly, this is not just about tooting my own horn.

I am thankful and deeply appreciative for each and every single reader, and building this website and establishing my presence online have been labors of love. I haven’t made a red dime from any of my work on CenLamar; Matt doesn’t make money advocating for progressive policies and helping to cultivate the next generation of progressive leaders in Louisiana, and Zack doesn’t make money fighting for the repeals of laws that undermine the credibility of Louisiana public education.

We all do this because we’re all gluttons for criticism, and more importantly, I think, we’re all deeply and passionately committed to the future of our home state.

I felt compelled to respond and disclose all of this after reading, over and over again, another blogger suggest I was withholding my blog stats because they’d be embarrassing to me or prove, once and for all, that he’s somehow more “popular,” as if this is nothing more than a contest.

No, it’s not. It’s a competition for ideas and discussion.

But guess what? If it was a popularity contest, Greg, you’re still not winning. It’s not even close.
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Questioning Tony Brown’s Ethics and Professionalism 6

by • Downtown Alexandria, Humor, Local Political News, Media Studies, Social Activism • Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Earlier this week, on his radio show, Alexandria talk radio host Tony Brown leveled an explosive and sensational charge against leaders of the City of Alexandria: That they were purposely attempting to deny and suppress African-American voter registration. The accusations were quickly, almost instantly, reposted on Greg Aymond’s website, with Mr. Aymond directly accusing Mayor Roy of responsibility.

The story, in a nutshell, is this:

This year, during the City’s annual Martin Luther King, Jr. Day celebration, members of the Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority, without any prior consent or agreement, showed up at the Alexandria Riverfront Center, the location of the event, and attempted to set up a booth, allegedly with the intention of conducting a voter registration drive. But before they could get their booth set up, they were informed that they did not have permission to use the facility. Indeed, although the City of Alexandria helped to sponsor the festivities, the center had actually been rented out to a non-profit ministerial alliance and the Buffalo Soldiers, both of whom, like the AKA, are African-American-led non-profit organizations.

Both Mr. Brown and Mr. Aymond incorrectly reported or implied that the City of Alexandria is responsible for renting the Alexandria Riverfront Center. To be clear, although the City owns the Riverfront Center, the facility is managed by the Alexandria/Pineville Convention and Visitors Bureau. Either way, though, when an organization seeks to utilize a public facility for any purpose, it is necessary for them to have a written agreement for such use; this not only protects and indemnifies the public from potential liability; it also protects the organization renting the facility. AKA, however noble their intention may have been, did not have an agreement and, apparently, did not even attempt to pursue an agreement; they just showed up. And when they were given the word that they could not use the facility without an agreement, apparently- one can only surmise, some of its members alleged that this denial was a racially-motivated conspiracy to suppress African-American voters.

Without any question and with all due respect to the AKA, if they had actually contacted the good people of the Alexandria/Pineville Convention and Visitors Bureau beforehand and then entered into a written agreement, then they would have been granted the use of the facility at no cost, just as the other groups were on that day.

But the truth doesn’t make for good radio, I suppose, and Tony Brown, a man who was recently paid thousands of dollars to run controversial race-baiting commercials on behalf of William Earl Hilton’s campaign for Sheriff, is apparently never one to let a potentially explosive and racially divisive story go unnoticed, despite the facts.  ”This was about not getting more African-Americans to register to vote. I’m not going to give y’all the opportunity to register more black folks to register to vote in this town. Y’all got too many registered voters already,” Brown said on his radio show on Tuesday.

The truth, of course, is much more innocuous than Mr. Brown (and Mr. Aymond) would want people to believe: One group had a public facilities use agreement, and one did not. The City administration is not responsible for executing and enforcing those agreements; the CVB is. And they didn’t do anything wrong. They merely ensured compliance with a legal agreement. This wasn’t about discriminating against the AKA; it was about ensuring the opposite: That no one is unfairly discriminated against, that everyone abides by the same rules when they seek to set up shop in a public building, regardless of however noble their intentions may be.

But Tony Brown makes a living, in part, stoking and promoting the flames of racial divisiveness. He blamed the City administration for seeking to suppress African-American voters, an absurd and hateful allegation, and given the true facts, an allegation that seems antithetical to the life’s work and the legacy of the man being honored that day, Martin Luther King, Jr.

Tony Brown spent nearly an hour talking about this story this week, fielding phone calls from several listeners, and doubling down on his sensationalistic and contrived outrage by suggesting that the City of Alexandria requires, in its agreements, that anyone who uses public buildings agree to not criticize the City administration. Sandra Bright, the outgoing leader of the Lower Third Neighborhood Watch Association, was named as the source of this incredibly disturbing news, though, in fairness to Ms. Bright, she never appeared on Mr. Brown’s show; these words were put into her mouth by others. And suffice it to say, as someone who knows exactly and precisely what these agreements look like and how they are structured, this accusation is not just ignorant; it’s maddeningly stupid. If Ms. Bright or Mr. Brown can offer even a scintilla of evidence that this is the case, then I am more than happy to issue a public apology; I’ll put the apology on the front page of my website for an entire year. But this is nothing more than a completely contrived lie.

Alexandria deserves better than Tony Brown’s lies. I don’t really care who he has worked for in the past or how important or influential he may believe himself to be; the man is an unethical, unprofessional, race-baiting liar whose antipathy toward the City of Alexandria and the Mayor has less to do with policy and almost everything to do with money.

And I can back it up, Mr. Brown.

When City Attorney Chuck Johnson, an African-American, asked Mr. Brown if he could appear on his show to clear up the controversy and present the facts, this is what Mr. Brown wrote back:

From: Tony Brown
Date: January 20, 2012 4:18:00 AM CST
To: Chuck Johnson
Subject: Re: Program
Reply-To: Tony Brown
Eyes Open is an open formatt for listeners to tell their story! The AKA’s and Links did just that. The opposing side came from Minister Larry Turner. In my more than 25 years of working as a journalist my ethics and professionalism has never been called into question by any city I ve worked in.
I appreciate your’re interest in coming on the show but no one from your adminsitration has come on eyes open for several years now and certainly has not tried to use this formatt for any radio buys which has been numerous with others who don’t question the ethics or professionalism of the Jacque Roy administration.
When we decide to advance this story we may decide to give you a call, until then, Town Talk, KALB-TV, KBCE Mix 93.9, 102 Jamz, Kiss 97.9 and The On Point Show with Mrs Xmas…those stations and shows that your administration spends money with, I suggest you reach out to them.
T Brown
Eyes Open

In his 25 years of journalism, Mr. Brown says his ethics and professionalism have never been called into question. I’m honored to be the first person to do so: Tony Brown, I call your ethics and professionalism into question.

Tony Brown believes he can spend as much time as he wants to on publicly-owned, publicly-regulated airwaves making baseless, defamatory, divisive, and race-baiting accusations about specific individuals in the City of Alexandria, but that he does not owe them an opportunity to counter these claims on air and on the same forum. Reverend Larry Turner, incidentally, does not and has never represented the City of Alexandria; he was an organizer of the Martin Luther King Day event, but it’s completely disingenuous and dishonest for Tony Brown to assert that Reverend Turner represented the “opposing side.” Reverend Turner was not asked and was under no obligation to oppose the numerous and sensationalistic lies espoused and advanced by Tony Brown against the City of Alexandria; Reverend Turner was simply defending himself, and righteously so, I may add.

But perhaps most insidiously, Tony Brown reveals that he is not interested in hearing from the City Attorney– on a story that he broke and manufactured almost entirely on his own– because the City of Alexandria doesn’t spend advertising dollars lining his pockets. Read between the lines, folks. Read this with your eyes wide open. A few years ago, as I recall, the City took out an ad on Mr. Brown’s radio show promoting the Que’in on the Red festival, and Mr. Brown, despite this, actually discouraged his listeners from attending the very festival his show had been paid to help promote. Maybe it was an act of righteous defiance, but more than likely, I believe, it was nothing more than a reflection of Mr. Brown’s arrogance: He didn’t approve of the musical line-up for some inane reason. Now, I don’t know about you, but if I ever spent thousands of dollars advertising my business or my event on someone’s radio show, only to have the show host then discourage people from supporting my business or my event, I’d never spend another dime with that person. That’s what happened to Tony Brown, and apparently, he is still bitter.

Again, I don’t think Tony Brown is ethical or professional, and frankly, I am surprised no one has questioned his integrity until now. There’s a treasure trove of evidence out there that he simply cannot avoid.

There’s one other thing, which is extremely important for Alexandrians and for listeners of Mr. Brown’s radio show to understand: He operates on a noncommercial, educational radio station. That’s right. And as such, he and his station are beholden to a completely different set of rules and criteria, particularly as it relates to advertising and the free and open exchange of ideas.

For some reason, Tony Brown apparently believes he can accuse others of committing crimes– serious crimes; he can suggest that an entire City administration believes and endorses the suppression of African-American voters; he can broadcast lies over and over and over again. But if you want to respond, then please, send in your check first. I’m sure he’d take cash as well.

Sue me, Tony. I’d love to get you under oath. It’d be fun. You could call Greg Aymond as a character witness.

PS: Senator Landrieu and Mayor Landrieu, do the good and decent people of Alexandria and Central Louisiana a favor– the people who actually supported you and actually campaigned for you and actually gave you money– STOP giving this man credibility. Seriously. My audience, without any doubt, is bigger than his, and unlike him, I (perhaps stupidly) do all of this for free. Maybe I should have taken lessons from Tony Brown.

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Larvadain 1

by • Downtown Alexandria, Humor, Social Activism, Today's News

Alexandria City Councilman Edward Larvadain III is paid thousands and thousands of taxpayer dollars every year to attend two meetings a month.

Frequently, the man doesn’t adequately prepare for those meetings. He doesn’t read the reports he requests until the day of the meeting. As we now know, he also doesn’t seem to understand the nature and purpose of a financial audit, and he’s willing to publicly disparage a private citizen’s professionalism and expertise without any cause whatsoever. He’s never met with the administration on any issue; he only appears capable of using the media to lodge inconsistent and easily refutable accusations. And shame on the Alexandria media, particularly The Town Talk, for not insisting a more cogent and rational explanation from a Councilman.

Today, Larvadain is claiming that he has no idea how the City of Alexandria could possibly provide its new police chief with a salary in line with his skills.

Until he proves otherwise, I will now operate under the assumption that Edward Larvadain III is a racist who views and determines public fiscal policy, almost exclusively, under a race-based lens. I have no other reason to assume differently. I know, first-hand, the questions that Councilman Larvadain asks before any contract is entered into; he’s race-based. He’s backwards. He lives in the past. And in engaging in such explicitly, stupidly, and obviously race-based behavior, Edward Larvadain III not only hurts and jeopardizes our City; he hurts and jeopardizes the credibility of African-Americans in Alexandria. He gives credence to the notion that African-American businesspeople and entrepreneurs should be evaluated differently. That’s not only racist; it’s insidious, and not surprisingly, it gives credence to former KKK members.

I have said before– and it is worth repeating: Edward Larvadain III is the worst and most divisive person ever elected in Alexandria’s modern history. I’ll stand by that claim. He frequently exhibits discrimination during City Council meetings. He treats Robert’s Rules of Order like a punching bag, not as a guideline. He can easily locate money for his own pet causes, but paying the new police chief, a man who earned a law degree and who has served his community for well over a decade, that’s too much to ask.

Regretfully, unless or until proven otherwise, I must conclude that his dissension has nothing to do with qualifications and everything to do with race. It sucks. It’s awful. Maybe it’s taboo for white people to complain that African-American elected officials are engaging in race-based determinations. I don’t care, really. I know what I’ve heard this man, Councilman Larvadain, say. I know what he said, pejoratively, to a Jewish member of the Alexandria City Council. And I know the ways in which the institution of government has, so far, protected him against his own blatant bigotry; other people– people who have rightfully been offended– have been willing to save him from himself, the meetings that have never been on television. At some point, someone needs to say something, beyond the hackneyed talking points about the Mayor. In my estimation, it’s entirely appropriate to suggest that, for Mr. Larvadain, race seems to matter more than equality or the fair and equitable distribution of justice.

The man says he doesn’t know how he could possibly find an extra $15,000 to pay the most qualified police chief in Alexandria history, yet, somehow, he also is determined to fight to find money to pay people opposed to the City.

Councilman Larvadain, I can immediately solve the budgetary crisis: All you have to do is assign your salary to the new Police Chief.

LaBruzzo’s Dilemma 8

by • Education, Health Care, Humor, Local Political News, Media Studies, National News, Satire, Social Activism • Tags: , , , ,

Like his predecessors, State Representative John LaBruzzo (R-Metairie) apparently enjoys the attention. In 2008, LaBruzzo made national headlines after floating the idea of paying poor women $1,000 each to get their tubes tied, while, at the same time, providing tax incentives for wealthier women to have children. Critics accused him of promoting eugenics, a charge I’m certain he would swiftly deny. Notably, nearly two decades ago, David Duke, the former grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, served the same exact district in the Louisiana House of Representatives, and in 1991, just like LaBruzzo, Mr. Duke also made national news after he proposed providing $100 a year to welfare recipients who used a sterilization drug.

For some, to quote Yogi Berra, it was “deja vu all over again.”

Now, Mr. LaBruzzo’s back in the national news. He’s currently proposing a bill that would directly challenge Supreme Court precedent and ban all abortions in Louisiana, except in the event that a mother’s life is in danger. Recently, he compared women who seek abortions to drug users. When the bill was up for discussion in committee, LaBruzzo said, “It doesn’t matter if you’ve voted for every pro-life bill that’s come to this committee. This is THE pro-life bill. This is THE pro-life bill. And I’d think you’d be in a difficult situation if you voted against this bill and tried to convince everybody that you are adamantly pro-life.” John LaBruzzo, you see, owns this issue: Either you vote for his radical bill– a bill that some believe could threaten a woman’s fundamental access to birth control– or you’re against human life.

Enough of the snark. I don’t have any desire, at all, to debate abortion, though I do believe that taxpayers in Mr. LaBruzzo’s district are wasting their hard-earned money paying the salary of a man who seems to be more interested in being a right-wing, ridiculously provocative culture warrior than doing anything concretely for his constituents. Maybe they think it puts them on the map. Maybe they’re just used to that type of representation.

Either way, here’s my challenge to Mr. LaBruzzo and to every single member of the Louisiana legislature. In fairness and in all honesty, it’s not my original idea; it’s my friend’s idea, and I think it has merit.

John LaBruzzo, literally, wants to redefine the legal definition of human life. That’s his right as a lawmaker.

So, let’s be morally and legally consistent, as much as that is possible, even if it is just a massive waste of time and taxpayer money.

If this actually, somehow passes, then it should do so with at least one amendment: The Jindal Amendment.

As the son of Indian immigrants who was born in Baton Rouge, Bobby Jindal, at birth, was an American citizen. His parents may have been citizens of India at the time, but Governor Jindal was born on American soil. In America, he was entitled citizenship by virtue of his birth here in the Gret Stet of Louisiana. It’s difficult for me to believe that Governor Jindal would ever sign into law something that could potentially disqualify the meritoriousness of his own citizenship or the potentiality of future immigrants to enjoy the same rights he has, including the right to, one day, become President of the United States.

So, to members of the legislature and to the Governor, if we’re going to redefine life, we are also duly obligated to redefine citizenship.

Ergo, the Jindal Amendment: To provide that the full privileges, rights, and benefits of natural-born citizenship shall be granted to to all persons conceived within the official, duly-recognized political boundaries of the United States of America.

Louisiana Bar Cart 1

by • Humor

Because the blog needs a little levity:

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine, Chris, purchased a stretched golf cart on eBay, the kind of golf cart they use in college and professional football games, complete with the requisite stretcher. It seemed like a strange and random purchase. Chris isn’t a football coach; he’s an artist, a painter. But he and one of his friends had a plan: They’d convert the stretched golf cart into a wrap-around, wood-paneled bar, a party on wheels, which they’d debut at Mardi Gras in New Orleans (Not to serve or sell anything, mind you; just to parade the thing around).


A sight to behold.

Chris asked if I’d link to the Louisiana Bar Cart Facebook page on my new (as yet unfinished and unpublished) blog roll, which I will. (They’re currently building the website http://www.TheBarCart.com). Until then, check them out here, here, or e-mail them at info@thebarcart.com. They’ll rent it out, I hear, for private parties.

Maybe it takes the dead… Reply

by • Downtown Alexandria, Drew Ward, Humor • Tags: , ,

…to bring downtown Alexandria to life.

Just something off my facebook feed this morning.  The Zombie Walk of Alexandria looks like just the sort of event that we really need to be happening on a regular basis.  It’s not huge, probably had very little budget, but got people out and about, and having a good time downtown.  Bravo.

An Internet Death Wish? 6

by • Humor, Local Political News, Self-referential drivel

Apparently, I pushed the buttons of the anonymous flamethrower behind the website JacquesBarack, which is published and operated by a supporter of Von Jennings, who is currently running for Mayor of Alexandria.

Considering the content posted by this supporter, I asked Ms. Jennings to publicly and permanently distance herself from the website. Since it launched in February, on an almost daily basis, the website has published ridiculous, hateful, and defamatory accusations against a number of public officials and private citizens, ostensibly in an effort to promote and establish Ms. Jennings’s candidacy. It hasn’t been pretty, and it’s certainly not befitting of someone who seeks to become Mayor.

So, I simply asked Ms. Jennings to respond to this, and instead, I received a direct response from the anonymous publisher of the website, who refers to me as “Fetal Freddy” (more on that, later).

First though, I respect anonymity whenever it is backed up by integrity, but when anonymity is used as a vehicle to launch baseless personal attacks and defame, ridicule, and harass others for the purpose of advancing a specific candidate for a specific office, it’s nothing more than an exercise in public cowardice. It should definitively demonstrate an attempt at circumventing accountability and transparency; it is inherently dishonest.

And considering that this is all apparently being done by a person who (anonymously) supports Von Jennings, I think it is absolutely appropriate and responsible to ask the candidate herself to respond.

Instead, it appears as if the anonymous blogger is prepared and willing to act as a surrogate. To me, that’s telling.

Let me get to the meat of this:

More…